he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
