Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
