did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Vodka?
Forever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
