He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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