it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
