If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
