U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
