Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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