nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
