i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How external is "for external use only"?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
