I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
