We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
