question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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