somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
