the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
