Your face is a jimmy john
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
