Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
