After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
