Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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