Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
