Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
