Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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