everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
