What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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