need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
