The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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