I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
