Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
