Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
