Taylor Swift is so right about you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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