i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
