Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
