She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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