maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
3 2 1 whiskey
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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