Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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