I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
