There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Of course I have a pirate flag
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
