Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
