Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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