You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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