I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
