The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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