I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
