He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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