Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
