Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
