I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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