I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
