words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
