Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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