this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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