There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
