alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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