Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
